Thursday, February 2, 2012

I Lost You


Groggy, half buzzed your words begin to seep in
I can’t breathe; get tense what to say back where to begin
My hands shake, knees quake, my heart breaks in two
Noise grows dim, I need to leave I don’t know what else to do
I can’t believe this is happening to me why here and now
I’m so confused, so sad so blue; got to pull it together somehow
I say goodbye and walk away, seems I do that best
It makes me feel in control, a bad way to clean up my mess

Thoughts running wild breathe deep; don’t do this here
I barely seem to make it to the car before the falling of my tears
Sadness, despair, broken, and lost no matter the words you find
It will never come close or even begin to describing this heartache of mine
Physically and emotionally the light in my soul was blown out
Your words so true and full of love, even if meaning them you do not
You want to see me be the person that first you fell for
As hard as it was for you to do, you had to close the door

Your words play over and over in my head on what seemed a long drive home
I just couldn’t stop my tears, they kept falling I’ve never felt so alone
Hurting me was not the intentions you had
It’s my fault for letting me be in this place and become sad
It’s hard to let go of something that makes you happy
But as unfortunate as it is, it’s the way it has to be
As I sit here I contemplate my choices from that day
You would think the decision would be hard either way

It’s not easy but the choice that is made
Is the one that will break my heart more and more each day
Whether the words were truly yours, or just said to make it right
Time will stand still with the memory from that night
I can’t help but find myself feeling sad about trying to make wrong right
No matter where I look I have your piercing eyes in my sight
Though everyone saw the wrong in our actions
It took you telling me to make it real; I was a series of distractions

No matter how wrong I was for feeling as I do
I will always have a special place inside my heart for you
Why does this life have to be so cruel
Why do I have to lose this battle
Some view it as a win, for the current situation I still am in
But in the war of my heart, mind and soul; that battle I did not win
I’m sorry for leading you to this position like I do
The one thing you will never know is truly how much I love you
April Lammons

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