As I Fall

On my knees I find myself in my time of need

As the world continues to move, life stops inside of me

Could it actually be this bad, what happened, why can’t I breathe

If I can only get through this jam, time would come back to me

Tough times, rough times how did I get to this place

Trying not to cry, forcing a smile, all I feel is disgrace

Concern I can see it, words of worry reach my screen

I act as though I am just sick, tired, and over exaggerating

I drive to eat, though I can’t think to even stomach food

I pass a woman, tattered clothes, sick, and bare foot

Tears as they begin to fall, I pray for her in god’s name

In hopes that someone somewhere is doing for me the same

A warm smile and hugs meet me with sincerity

How could I be this lucky to have you here with me

You make my worries drift away, I feel as if I have no fear

I begin to see why exactly god has brought you here

For one brief moment you make my disarray disappear

Conversation drifts toward happy moments in time, not tears

Not once do I think I should cry in front of you

Strength you give me to keep going, move forward, I know now what to do

 At ease you put me, a calm it moves my way

Words escape us, but your smile is all I need for you to say

You understand, you’ve been there and here for me you are

No matter how bad it gets, you promise to be close, not far

I leave feeling serenity, a little more at ease with what I must begin to deal

Little did I know that god had a plan to help the control I should feel

Angels you can call them, maybe even miracles, but saints they are to me

When god chose who should guide me through life, no one better could his pick be

My parents, I love them for their protection and unwavering love

 All I can do is drop to my knees and give glory and thanks above

For when you are down, as you look all around for your guiding light to shine

Remember god gave us angels from above, I couldn’t be more grateful for mine

April Lammons

I Lost You

Groggy, half buzzed your words begin to seep in

I can’t breathe; get tense what to say back where to begin

My hands shake, knees quake, my heart breaks in two

Noise grows dim, I need to leave I don’t know what else to do

I can’t believe this is happening to me why here and now

I’m so confused, so sad so blue; got to pull it together somehow

I say goodbye and walk away, seems I do that best

It makes me feel in control, a bad way to clean up my mess

Thoughts running wild breathe deep; don’t do this here

I barely seem to make it to the car before the falling of my tears

Sadness, despair, broken, and lost no matter the words you find

It will never come close or even begin to describing this heartache of mine

Physically and emotionally the light in my soul was blown out

Your words so true and full of love, even if meaning them you do not

You want to see me be the person that first you fell for

As hard as it was for you to do, you had to close the door

Your words play over and over in my head on what seemed a long drive home

I just couldn’t stop my tears, they kept falling I’ve never felt so alone

Hurting me was not the intentions you had

It’s my fault for letting me be in this place and become sad

It’s hard to let go of something that makes you happy

But as unfortunate as it is, it’s the way it has to be

As I sit here I contemplate my choices from that day

You would think the decision would be hard either way

It’s not easy but the choice that is made

Is the one that will break my heart more and more each day

Whether the words were truly yours, or just said to make it right

Time will stand still with the memory from that night

I can’t help but find myself feeling sad about trying to make wrong right

No matter where I look I have your piercing eyes in my sight

Though everyone saw the wrong in our actions

It took you telling me to make it real; I was a series of distractions

No matter how wrong I was for feeling as I do

I will always have a special place inside my heart for you

Why does this life have to be so cruel

Why do I have to lose this battle

Some view it as a win, for the current situation I still am in

But in the war of my heart, mind and soul; that battle I did not win

I’m sorry for leading you to this position like I do

The one thing you will never know is truly how much I love you

April Lammons

The Path Within

Down the foggy road of truth that winds within the heart

That beautiful dirt road with trees and roots that led you from the start

Desires like fruit on the vines that twist and turn beneath your feet

Makes one stop to look and taste, can’t be bad to eat

As you stop to have a bite you find just one blossom will not do

A little further along the path you think, maybe I’ll just have two

The fog rolls in the light grows dim the path narrows down your sight

Your feet move without thought as you travel down the dirt road tonight

All around you life bustles and churns, a cool breeze begins to blow

Eyes closed, arms out, a smile creeps to your face and it’s then that you know

A fork there comes in the road, which path should I walk now

Both invite you to come tread along but a choice must be made some how

For in two you cannot be and one you must remain

Do you continue to walk the path before you, or for once do you refrain

Both seem right in their own way, but one seems a little lighter

Even in the foggy night, the moon shines on one much brighter

It has captivating oak and pine trees with cherry blossoms around

The beauty of that path you seek and you turn to where you are bound

Each path leads to neither right nor wrong but to the truth instead

For this journey within your heart is walked with passion, and thought with your head

As you walk the new path widens, becomes clear, and now you can see

Though part of you still wants the other, this path holds your hearts key

In the warmth of the sun or calmness of the night

When the heart chooses a path, it can be nothing but right

April Lammons

Because

It’s not because you buy me things or take me out to eat

It’s not because you dance with me or wait as I take my seat

It’s not because you listen when I talk and smile when I am sad

It’s not because you make me laugh no matter the bad day I have had

It’s not because you hold my hand or pull me close to you

It’s not because you are good at stealing kisses like you do

It’s not because you sing randomly and never seem to be off key

It’s not because you act a fool and are crazy as can be

It’s not because you treat your friends with respect no matter what

It’s not because you are tired as hell and make a point to just show up

It’s not because my head fits just right on your shoulder as you hug me

It’s not because your heart is full of truth and honesty

It’s not because you work hard and aim to be the best

It’s not because no matter what you just don’t blend in with the rest

It’s because you stop to think what is it that I can do

It’s because you think of me and that’s all I ask of you

April Lammons

Do You Ever Think of Me?

Standing there in the grass, you look and smile at me, 

In another time and place, it’s me with you I see. 

As I gaze into the sky I wonder how it could be, 

The rushing thought flows through my mind, do you ever think of me? 

 The days are long but quick to pass, do you think before you speak? 

Is there ever a doubt in your mind that it’s you I seek? 

For when you look, laugh, and smile it fills me up with glee, 

Yet still I yearn and have to know, do you ever think of me? 

 I held on loosely to that notion, credit I’ll give you some, 

I’m standing there alone and sad you promised me you’d come. 

The moment I realized I’d been played, no more sadness there can be, 

When you decided to tell me a lie, did you ever think of me? 

 Now my thoughts of you are filled with anger, dismay, and shame, 

How could I have ever thought that you would feel the same? 

As days pass my thoughts are less, the ones of you and me, 

Wait ‘til I’m gone then you can ask, do you ever think of me?

April Lammons